How many beads would I get? I dunno. The bead acquisition has never really been a "thing" for me - at least I don't think it has been anyway. Watching Top Chef and seeing these people who have the same ideas and passions about food as I do, makes me wonder where my loyalty lies. It kinda makes me giggle seeing Emeril now, as opposed to when I was completely infatuated with him - yesssss, I know that's fuct up! Contrary to popular belief, I'm not shallow. How on earth could I be infatuated with fucking Tony Soprano and Emeril Lagasse, and be shallow??? Come on, people. Clearly, there are layers... whether or not you understand those layers or even care to understand those layers, that's your thing, not mine. I have no problems admitting to my fuct up crushes - and I could care less how people perceive them. I'm judged no matter what I think or do anyway, so why fight it?
So back to the beads.... I have to say, even though he's completely cocky as fuck and exudes the whole Italian ooozy sexuality thing, even when the sexuality thing isn't appropriate, I am rooting for Fabio. Embracing cuisines and styles of cooking even when they are foreign to him, just makes me root for him even more. The accent adds a certain cuteness as well, but that's just the chick in me talking. Watching this show makes me reallllly want to open up the bakery that I've wanted to open for a long time now - but the whole brownie/cookie sitch makes me step back a few steps and remind myself to look at reality before I jump in head first. That really burst my bubble, and not too many people know how it felt because I was not in the most open and comfortable of situations at the time, so it's not something that can be explained to the people that are in my life at the moment. The wedding cake was something that I took pretty seriously, even though most of the people around me didn't. Surprise, surfuckingprise.... I dragged 2 kilos of fucking fondant, colouring and sprinkles in every colour in my goddamn luggage, but yet - it was just a "cute" cake I made for my brother for his "cute" little ceremony during their record breaking heat wave. At least Jessica gave me a reaction, albeit innocent and naive, it was a reaction. Her wanting to pose with the cake (and Smith Jared haha) came off in a completely sweet & innocent way, but it meant way more to me than she could possibly understand. Man, if she only knew what it meant to be a Ruffolo - she'll sadly figure that out soon enough. Dylan got a bit of a taste for it, but was smart enough to step away from it all before it got too fuct up. And I'm also condemned for the fact that he wants to stay with his "cool Aunt" whenever he visits, so, damned if you do, damned if you don't. Those mountains are looking really tempting right now. I'm rambling like a motherfucker and Fabio just got voted off in the time it took to type and edit this shit, so what the hell do I know? Clearly not a whole lot at this moment.
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