So I'm really contemplating taking a mini holiday. I need to get some space, clear my head and try to decompress. I'm not running away from anybody or anything specifically, I just need to be away from all of the things that are consuming me. I know that my coping mechanisms aren't the greatest right now, and I know it's because I'm feeling as though I haven't had a second of breathing room in a long, long time. I also come from a different world than the rest of them. Some days I'm happy about that, some days I'm not. The one thing I AM happy about though, is how I feel when I am with him. This is by far, the most complicated, most intense relationship I've ever had. Yet, I'm not afraid of it. Should I be? I don't think so. Nothing has ever felt so real and comfortable, and I'm not running away from that. I DO need to step back and keep things in perspective, though. I can't get too ahead of myself, and like he has said to me over and over again - I think with my heart. I need to make sure I think with my head. I know I've had a hard time doing that, and it's because my head is full of tons of shit... going away for a few days to clear some of that shit out, is looking more and more appealing. I really hope that I can make it happen. I'll miss him terribly, though. :( Throughout all of this though, it's not up to me to "decide" what is going to happen. I know that this is way more complicated for him than it is for me, and I'm trying my absolute hardest to respect and appreciate that. I know I've slipped a few times, and I know I will probably slip a few more... but I hope that I don't fuck this up.